My Baby Fix is Never Ending

Friday, February 6, 2009

Why it is that some women, especially those of us who are mothers, and now grandmothers, just cannot get enough of something I call the baby fix? My need for a baby fix is so bad that I would never turn down anyone who wants a few hours away. Simply put, I like children.

It seems like the time you spend with your child, or grandchild, in my case, just flies by. I know that those of us who have older children have often been known to say"Where have the years gone?" "I can remember, just like it was yesterday...." Those words were uttered from my mouth many times of the years, as my daughters entered school and especially when they graduated from college and left our nest to create nests of their own. It seems like yesterday...

Well, I know find myself saying that about my Grandson, Mason. I can spend hours with Mason, have him all to myself even, but when his mama and daddy come to pick him up, I want to say, "No. Just a few more hours. Don't take him yet." "I haven't had enough time." Other times, I think, "Just one more diaper change, one more bottle, one more game of "tickle, tickle", "one more smile and laugh" then I'll give him back." I just simply hate to see him leave.

Am I greedy? Should I feel bad about this? Why am do I feel this way? My daughter and son-in-law certainly will let us see him whenever we want. We visit at their house, and they visit at ours. Our relationship is fantastic. They call and invite us down. We call and invite them up. I know the doors are always open for us. However, sometimes it just does not feel like enough. My baby fix has not been satisfied. Are there other grandmas out there who feel the same as I do?

Perhaps my "give me the baby" syndrome is because Mason is my first? Adding to that, could it be that he is just an infant? Perhaps it is because he is an infant. Perhaps it is because I love watching him discover his world. It never fails to amaze me how fascinating a baby finds his fingers. How wondrous it is to see mason watch the lighted face of the Glo Worm,which sings the same thing over and over and over again. Who would have thought that pushing a button over and over again would be such fun? How beautiful to watch him as he looks at my face and smiles. He is simply amazing.

I know I watched my own daughters as they developed from a newborn baby, to an infant, then into little girls and so on.. However, looking back, did I really watch them like I watch Mason? Did I devote enough time to each individual stage? Did I wonder at the stages as I do his? It seems like as the mom of a new baby, then the mom of a new baby and a toddler, I was so busy. Busy doing things good mamas do: the dishes, laundry, taking care of the girls, and just simply doing all those necessary things to keep a home safe, healthy and happy.

I thought I watched my girl's closely at each stage and I was sure I would be able to recall all those wonderful moments in the discovery of their world. I was right, and I was wrong. I cannot seem to recall the exact time frame, get the picture back into my head, that they crawled. Oh, I know how old they were. I have pictures, but, I cannot relive that exact feeling I had at that time. I miss that. Does this make sense to anyone other than me?

When I think of all the things that Mason has done and will do, I want to catch them all, individually and collectively. I want to catch each smile, giggle, each new discovery and store them away to drag out for future use. I want to capture these moments in my heart and in pictures, and save the wonderful pleasure he creates and brings to our family, and will bring with the future. I want to have the memories of each stage he develops into and take these with me along my grandma journey.

All this brings me back to my original dilemma: How soon will it be until I see him again? When can I get my next baby fix?